Mary Jo Buttafuoco’s life story is one of the most haunting, misunderstood, and ultimately inspiring narratives in modern American true-crime history. Known to the world after the infamous 1992 Long Island Lolita scandal, Mary Jo transformed from a private suburban mother into a survivor, author, motivational speaker, and advocate whose message today centers on resilience, forgiveness, and recognizing sociopathic behavior.
Born Mary Jo Connery on May 15, 1955, in Huntington, Suffolk County, New York, she could never have imagined that a single knock on her door would permanently alter the trajectory of her life—and embed her name into American cultural memory.
In This Post:
Early Life, High School Sweethearts, and a Seemingly Stable Marriage
Mary Jo met Joseph “Joey” Buttafuoco while attending high school. Their relationship unfolded traditionally: they dated for five years before marrying in 1977, when Mary Jo was just 22 years old. After graduation, she worked at a local bank, and together they built what appeared to be a stable, middle-class life.
The couple initially lived in Baldwin, Nassau County, and welcomed two children—son Paul and daughter Jessica (Jessie). In 1986, they moved to Massapequa, Long Island. Behind the scenes, however, early warning signs emerged. Mary Jo later learned Joey had secretly signed over the deed to their Baldwin home to cover cocaine debts, an alarming indication of deception and financial instability.
Still, Mary Jo believed in her marriage. “We were high school sweethearts… I thought I picked the right one. I never had a doubt,” she later reflected. After children, the relationship shifted, with Joey behaving like a “third child,” creating tension and frequent arguments—but nothing that prepared her for what was coming.
The 1992 Shooting That Shocked America
On May 19, 1992, Mary Jo answered the door of her Massapequa home to a 17-year-old girl who introduced herself as “Ann Marie,” claiming to be Joey’s sister. The teenager—Amy Fisher—said Joey was having an affair with her sibling and showed Mary Jo a T-shirt from Joey’s auto body shop as proof.
When Mary Jo turned away to call her husband, Amy Fisher shot her in the face with a .25-caliber semiautomatic pistol.
The bullet severed Mary Jo’s carotid artery, lodged near her spine, and shattered her facial nerves. She collapsed bleeding on her front stoop, nearly dying before emergency responders rushed her to the hospital. Doctors feared she would never walk or speak again.
“I thought I got hit with a baseball bat by Joe DiMaggio,” Mary Jo recalled. “I didn’t know there was a gun.”
Miraculously, the bullet deflected off her temporomandibular joint, sparing her brain—a survival she has often described as nothing short of a miracle.
The Affair, the Trial, and a Media Frenzy That Silenced the Victim
The investigation revealed that Amy Fisher and Joey Buttafuoco had been in a sexual relationship since July 1991, when Fisher brought her car to Joey’s auto body shop. Joey was 35 years old; Amy was a minor.
Fisher pleaded guilty to reckless assault and received a 5–15 year sentence, serving seven years before parole. Joey admitted to statutory rape and served four months in jail.
As tabloids exploded with the nickname “Long Island Lolita,” the media focused overwhelmingly on Amy Fisher and Joey—while Mary Jo’s trauma faded into the background.
Lifelong Injuries, Addiction, and the Struggle to Survive
Mary Jo survived—but with devastating, permanent injuries. She suffered facial paralysis, deafness in her right ear, chronic jaw and dental problems, and ongoing pain.
“I got my arms, I got my legs, I got my brain—or what’s left of it—and I could be here for my children,” she said.
During recovery, she became addicted to painkillers and later sought treatment at the Betty Ford Center. In 2006, she underwent facial reanimation surgery, including a facelift and eyelid lift. For the first time in 25 years, she could see her teeth when she smiled.
Why Mary Jo Stayed—and When She Finally Left
Despite public disbelief, Mary Jo remained with Joey for years. She defended him even after his 1995 arrest for soliciting an undercover officer. Bedridden, traumatized, and caring for two young children, she believed his denials.
“I stayed because I was very sick… I defended him and I looked like an idiot,” she later admitted.
In 2003, she filed for divorce and moved to Southern California, beginning her life anew.
Love After Trauma and Profound Loss
Mary Jo found happiness again when she married Stu Tendler in 2012. Together they blended families and built a quiet life. Tragically, Stu died of cancer in 2018, another devastating loss that Mary Jo endured with remarkable strength.
Getting It Through My Thick Skull: The Memoir That Changed Everything
In 2009, Mary Jo published her New York Times bestselling memoir, Getting It Through My Thick Skull: Why I Stayed, What I Learned, and What Millions of People Involved with Sociopaths Need to Know.
The book explores her realization—prompted by her son—that Joey exhibited sociopathic behavior, detailing manipulation, denial, addiction, recovery, forgiveness, and rebuilding life after trauma. It includes a 16-page family photo insert and serves as a guide for those trapped in toxic relationships.
Forgiveness, Advocacy, and a Message of Hope
Mary Jo has publicly forgiven both Joey and Amy—not for them, but for her own peace.
“I got to a point where hate was eating me alive,” she said. “So I had to forgive them both.”
She has since appeared on The Oprah Winfrey Show, Dr. Oz, ABC 20/20, and The View, and co-founded the Facial Paralysis Institute, advocating for awareness and recovery
I Am Mary Jo Buttafuoco: Reclaiming Her Story in 2026
On January 17, 2026, Lifetime premiered I Am Mary Jo Buttafuoco, a film she executive produced and narrated herself—telling her story for the first time in her own words.
Directed by Heather Hawthorn Doyle and starring Chloe Lanier, the movie reframes the tragedy as a story of survival, dignity, and empowerment.
“I don’t want a poor-me story,” Mary Jo says today. “I want to be an inspiration.”
Where Mary Jo Buttafuoco Is Today
Now living in Ventura County, California, Mary Jo enjoys a quiet life surrounded by her children and grandchildren. Reflecting on her journey, she says:
“I’ve been given the opportunity to survive something unsurvivable… and I’m at peace.”
Her story stands as a testament to resilience—and a reminder that survival is not just about living, but about reclaiming one’s voice.
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